As a child, my friends and I would race to reach school first, the gate first, finish homework first several other such petty races that used to give us so much pleasure. There was a race of a similar nature in the kovil that I visited not so long ago. The mamis were playing......"Who finds her right match first"
Yes the hunt is still on. I am single, successful (oh yes... I am no longer a jouno... i moved into consulting and risk consulting nonetheless... and as a friend put it... I succumbed to the moolah). I have a great social life, have great friends, love reading, love 'smoke on the water' and yeah... love my freedom. I have just listed out all the things the mamis should supposedly hate in me. Like said... supposedly!
It seems like the only thing missing in their lives is my committed status. They all want to see me married, living life by someone else's terms, getting so busy with family life that I have no time for MY FRIENDS, MY BOOKS AND MY MUSIC. I have realized that company is not such a bad thing but the openness ends there. I am not sure what I want to do post realization.
It is almost certain that a young woman completing her education (not applicable in all cases... just her being a fully developed woman is sufficient) must be in want of a husband. Society has really not changed much since the 1800s. Mrs.Bennets, the Mr.Darcys and yes, the Elizabeath Bennets of the world well continue to exist no matter what.
Ok coming back to the aunties in the kovil. You know the feeling of walking into class hour after the lecture begins. Everybody in class stares at you like you are some sort of teaching aid...(no mebbe naked Beyonce is more like it) ... Neway... you get the picture... When I walked in.... the aunties suddenly lost interest in the deity and they shifted their complete focus on me. Trust me.... Shankaracharya in a gathering of 50,000 sweaty aunties would have been more starved for attention.
One mami who, I can bet my next's month salary, did not even know my name, walks up to my mother and gives her precious priceless blessings that I will get married by next Navratri. She says, "Ennodu ashirvadam irruku, adutha navratri kulla nischiyama kalaynam ayidum." The demeanor: benevolent, the tone: empathetic, the crap: well crap of course.
When I heard this mami, I wanted to scream sooo loud but I had to behave myself as I was in the temple. To add to all my troubles, she asked me to distribute vetalai paaku (haldi kumkum) to all the ladies in the temple. (Yeah... if you dint see Beyonce's naked dance because of all that crowd, dont worry we'll ask her to do it all over again more provocatively from the rooftop.. you wont miss it then)
I did as I was told because... actually I dont know why i did it... I hated every moment of it.
It's not that I am not looking for company. But he has to be someone who I can feel comfortable talking to and yes... he should have a personality that I find pleasing. I dont know if the mamis understand that society has reached a point where women also put down rules that they would like followed. We have a voice and an opinion of our own and I have to praise the Lord for social developments that let us be financially independent. Till the older ladies understand this... thy can go take a hike.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Jaadagam Therapist
My mother is frustrated with the way things are going. She has seen over 200 profiles and her darling daughter hasn't said a yes to any of them. Somehow my mother seems to think that she is the victim here but I beg to differ. I have been looking and declining profiles of men all this while and that is not exactly my idea of a hobby. At least if I were into HR, I would have been honing skills that I need at work.
I fail to understand why God has so perfectly crafted the jaadagams of the eligible guys to not match mine. In fact, my dad's astrologer has stopped rejecting guys on the basis of their horoscope. he asks my dad a few basic questions first like what is the guy doing, his education, his passions, what he likes and what he does not like. Then he asks for the photograph. If everything matches my preferences, he just doesn't bother matching the horoscope. I declines it right there.
I thought I was just being to cynical when I thought God was playing games with me. I mean, I am smart, I look good, I have a job that I love, I know my passion, I am very strong emotionally, I have a strong support in my family and friends, I have to be God's special person. And besides, I am a student of Vedanta, so there really is hardly any reason for Gods to be pissed off.
But, just yesterday,I got a dose of reality. My horoscope actually matched with the perfect guy. Good looking and smart and talented and well educated. Needless to say, I couldnt believe it. I was excited that things were looking up. But, just then my dad decided to cross check the horoscope before he could get in touch with his family. Guess what, teh planetery positions in the 'correct' version of teh horoscope were different from what my father had downloaded. This new version is exactly what is the most inappropriate match for me.
It's so surprising how the horoscopes that match mine have owners who don't have anything in common with me. Those guys are exactly what I do not want in my partner. Someone who is completely devoid of talent and yes, someone who looks the exact opposite of Dylan McDermott.
I don't understand why my horoscope has such a low self esteem. It's like she just feels she's not worth the good looking and talented guys. If my horoscope was approached by some hot guy, I think she would pee right there. If my horoscope went to a single's bar, she would head straight toward the rejected group. I think my horoscope feels comfortable, only when she is in the company of the mami's who talk about how their son's can take on Einstein without a minute of preparation, and what's worse is she falls only for that variety.
I just don't get it. You look at her she has a bright future written all over her, she has talent written so clearly on her, and somehow, she never seems to acknowledge that. If there are any good jaadagam therapists out there, I need one desperately!
I fail to understand why God has so perfectly crafted the jaadagams of the eligible guys to not match mine. In fact, my dad's astrologer has stopped rejecting guys on the basis of their horoscope. he asks my dad a few basic questions first like what is the guy doing, his education, his passions, what he likes and what he does not like. Then he asks for the photograph. If everything matches my preferences, he just doesn't bother matching the horoscope. I declines it right there.
I thought I was just being to cynical when I thought God was playing games with me. I mean, I am smart, I look good, I have a job that I love, I know my passion, I am very strong emotionally, I have a strong support in my family and friends, I have to be God's special person. And besides, I am a student of Vedanta, so there really is hardly any reason for Gods to be pissed off.
But, just yesterday,I got a dose of reality. My horoscope actually matched with the perfect guy. Good looking and smart and talented and well educated. Needless to say, I couldnt believe it. I was excited that things were looking up. But, just then my dad decided to cross check the horoscope before he could get in touch with his family. Guess what, teh planetery positions in the 'correct' version of teh horoscope were different from what my father had downloaded. This new version is exactly what is the most inappropriate match for me.
It's so surprising how the horoscopes that match mine have owners who don't have anything in common with me. Those guys are exactly what I do not want in my partner. Someone who is completely devoid of talent and yes, someone who looks the exact opposite of Dylan McDermott.
I don't understand why my horoscope has such a low self esteem. It's like she just feels she's not worth the good looking and talented guys. If my horoscope was approached by some hot guy, I think she would pee right there. If my horoscope went to a single's bar, she would head straight toward the rejected group. I think my horoscope feels comfortable, only when she is in the company of the mami's who talk about how their son's can take on Einstein without a minute of preparation, and what's worse is she falls only for that variety.
I just don't get it. You look at her she has a bright future written all over her, she has talent written so clearly on her, and somehow, she never seems to acknowledge that. If there are any good jaadagam therapists out there, I need one desperately!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
A family friend is getting married. Social obligations require me to join in the celebrations and so today I went for her mehendi. This time a mami was innovative and she came up with a new joke. She looks at me and goes, "Ab next tu laddu khilaegi hume?" At least she dint say "U're next"
Why does everyone want to see me in a bridal ensemble? Why cant they just leave me alone? As far as my dad's efforts are concerned, I feel bad for teh man coz my horoscope hasnt matched with the guys I have liked. It is my dad's duty to give his daughter's hand in marriage. Why should the whole community be so concerned.
Everyone seems so concerned about me getting married that they feel obligated to hunt down guys from every corner of the globe. The innovative aunty tells my mother that her son-in-law's cousin's aunt's son is single and ready to mingle. I am sure she was only trying to help. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what is so bad about this whole process but it is taking a toll on me and I want this ordeal to end once and for all.
It just gets to me when these aunty's feel they have found me the perfect match. Dont they have anything better to do? You know what may be not. Probably that's why they found poor me and my friends to target. I mean how much time can you actually kill reading Narayaneeym and the Bhagwad Gita? How many saptaham's can you listen to? Poor babes. Their problem is probably lack of creativity.
Well!! They need not worry any more. I am here to their rescue. Read on!! I am spending valuable time listing out 10 things they can do to divert their minds from the the nubile women and the well qualified bachelors.
1. Add some spice to the existing tasks. Get the gentlemen who read the slokams at a routine saptaham to jazz it or better still rap it. They could spice it up by choosing a theme for each one of the seven days. Like monday could be say Eminem day, tuesday could be P Diddy day and so on....
2. Get a makeover. After all oil is the scarcest natural resource
3. Go to the temple and spend time praying, praying with devotion and not materialism.
4. Get a new hobby. Salsa classes are springing up like nobody's business.
5Stop worrying about me and start meditating.
6. Read. Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert.... the options are endless
7. Learn how to use the computer and yes, also learn how to speak softly on Gtalk.
8. Watch Honeymoon Travels (Refer to post number 3 i think)
9. Stay indoors. (The poor mamas are so neglected)
10.Stop worrying about me and start meditating.
I recommend this post to all mamis. I pray that I can witness an awakening of some kind.
Why does everyone want to see me in a bridal ensemble? Why cant they just leave me alone? As far as my dad's efforts are concerned, I feel bad for teh man coz my horoscope hasnt matched with the guys I have liked. It is my dad's duty to give his daughter's hand in marriage. Why should the whole community be so concerned.
Everyone seems so concerned about me getting married that they feel obligated to hunt down guys from every corner of the globe. The innovative aunty tells my mother that her son-in-law's cousin's aunt's son is single and ready to mingle. I am sure she was only trying to help. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what is so bad about this whole process but it is taking a toll on me and I want this ordeal to end once and for all.
It just gets to me when these aunty's feel they have found me the perfect match. Dont they have anything better to do? You know what may be not. Probably that's why they found poor me and my friends to target. I mean how much time can you actually kill reading Narayaneeym and the Bhagwad Gita? How many saptaham's can you listen to? Poor babes. Their problem is probably lack of creativity.
Well!! They need not worry any more. I am here to their rescue. Read on!! I am spending valuable time listing out 10 things they can do to divert their minds from the the nubile women and the well qualified bachelors.
1. Add some spice to the existing tasks. Get the gentlemen who read the slokams at a routine saptaham to jazz it or better still rap it. They could spice it up by choosing a theme for each one of the seven days. Like monday could be say Eminem day, tuesday could be P Diddy day and so on....
2. Get a makeover. After all oil is the scarcest natural resource
3. Go to the temple and spend time praying, praying with devotion and not materialism.
4. Get a new hobby. Salsa classes are springing up like nobody's business.
5Stop worrying about me and start meditating.
6. Read. Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert.... the options are endless
7. Learn how to use the computer and yes, also learn how to speak softly on Gtalk.
8. Watch Honeymoon Travels (Refer to post number 3 i think)
9. Stay indoors. (The poor mamas are so neglected)
10.Stop worrying about me and start meditating.
I recommend this post to all mamis. I pray that I can witness an awakening of some kind.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
How to get rejected....
I have been receiving rave reviews about my blog. I am glad all my friends are liking it. The whole idea of starting this was to help Iyer women (or just single Indian women) all around the world, in a situation similar to mine, and let them know that they are not alone. (All around the world, yeah right...........well, I dream of becoming Editor in Chief of the Economist, I must be crazy and highly ambitious, what did you expect??). So, coming back, I am glad my friends have liked it.
For all the Tam Brahms who read this on time, Happy New year. Depending on when you read this, you decide if the new year wishes apply or not. Today is Varsha Porappu tomorrow is Vishu. Like every other year, I shall adorn myself with new clothes and yes the the "poo" (the things i do to keep my grandmother from nagging... ughhh) Its not like I am averse to the idea of dressing like my culture and tradition requires me to, but I do it when I am comfortable.
Speaking of nagging, its a very common disease among most women i hear. I did that to a friend a few days ago. (Lol, yesss i was nagging, but from my perspective I was trying to talk sense into him) Anyway, so the point is that I hear women nag a lot. Mamma and paati ( tamil for grandmother) sure do.
I was sitting today evening and minding my own business, (i was busy watching desperate housewives) and my grandmother comes to me with fresh jasmine flowers strung together. "Poo chootikyo," she tells me meaning wear these flowers on your head. Now I accepted flowers only to keep her from nagging, but :) i wish I was that lucky. She was not just happy with me placing the flowers in a temporary arrangement on my hair, she wanted me to pin it to my braid. (I first had to braid my messy hair for that)
To keep her happy, I did what she asked me, but what i don't understand is whether that was really necessary. OK. so that episode ended there.
What happened after that was interesting. Mom comes home, she bought all the vishu merchandise and was all ready to set the mood. Now, newsflash, her darling daughter is out in the market and she is groom hunting. Soo, in what way is taht new? Well, I was busy spending my evening with Arun Shourie (I am reading Falling over Backwards rt now)
So my mother interrupts me in the middle of my fantastic reading experience and asks me to put kolam (tamil for Rangoli). After all, the house I get into will not treat me as an equal if cannot I draw beautiful designs with rice power. OK. I did not want to invite her wrath and I did as told. But my point is, why only now? Why cant 12 year old girls be asked to put kolam outside? Why is it that only when their jaadagam (tamil for horoscope) is out that such rules are enforced? Even if a 12 year old girl is asked to put kolam outside, nobody cares too much if she refuses to do it for whatever reason.
I am not complaining because it is of no consequence. I love my customs and traditions and I am more than happy to follow it. I dont know why our ancestors mandated these practices but what I do know is that they were happier and had lesser worries, as long as it does not harm me, I really dont mind following teh practices.
Following customes is one thing, but learning how to cook.... hmmmmm Between mamma and me, that is a very sensitive issue. Why is it that only now, I have to learn how to cook? Its not like I am all lost when it comes to the kitchen, I can make brilliant pasta, and can manage a simple sabzi, but why do I specifically have to learn to make a molaghootal? I know it will not come to me over night, but i learnt how to make pasta and caramel custard by reading from a book, why cant I do that with molaghootal?
The explanation is simple, good girls should know how to make molaghootal, NOT pasta. (Yuck!!) SO if this is true, my "interview" with one of the short listed candidates will be something like this....
Mr. ABC: hello ji
Me: sup?
ABC: You put kolam outside?
Me: did, so??
ABC: Very nice...
Me: Whatever....
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 to her)
ABC: Aapke hobbies kya kya hai?
Me: I am a bharatnatyam dancer and I love it, me not giving that up for the nething
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 again)
ME: (thinking.... you better gimmi a +10 dude, actually that needs a +50. I am a brilliant dancer, what talent do you have)
Me: So what do u do in your free time.
ABC: I am writing code to hack into NASA's central database. Not that I am going to do anything wrong with that information, I just want to do it to experience the thrill. And then I want to break the world record set for the fastest human calculator. ummm and then blah.. blah.. blah..
blah...(ME: thinking...-20 to you).... blah... blah...
ABC: Do you know to cook?
Me: Can cook only to save my life. Although I can manage pastas and I make fantastic caramel custard
ABC: (yells out) - 50 to you... Amma... lets go.... cant get married to someone who cant make molaghootal
ME: (rejoicing)
According to my mom, this could actually happen to me.
Tomorrow is Vishu. I saw no point in buying a sari for myself on this auspicious occasion. Although I believe that a sari is the most elegant dress ever, I am more comfortable in capris and a cotton top. Had I bought a sari, it would be tucked away in some corner of my cupboard never to be used again, unless someone I know is getting married.
I love shopping, yes a typical girly trait and yes I would like to think of myself as reasonably trendy. Its the April and the temperatures are soaring. So I went shopping last week and picked up a nice pair of capris and a very cute top. Now you know the rules, new year new clothes. So if I walk into a temple tomorrow wearing capris... lol... do I need to go any further.
What I wear is nobody's business and I don't care what the people think, i will continue to wear what I want as long as I am dressed descent.
Somehow teh mama mamis believe that the Iyer culture is dying out because the kids of this generation don't want to abide by the rules. To be honest, we do, and we are proud to be tam brahms ( so what if i haven't found too many good looking guys in this community). Most of us still believe that the saree is unmatched by any of the modern day outfits. Believe it or not, we love the keerai molaghootal and the rasam and the vazhakkai, but what we don't like is not getting our space. Our typical tamil nadu temple jewellery looks so rich that nothing matches its class.
When I say we here, I can confidently say I speak for most of my friends and acquaintances. In fact all of them I know are of this "type"
As for me, yes, I am trendy, I love rock and yes I wanna learn salsa, but that does not change my identity. I am tam brahm and I am proud of it. I donno why the older generation cant see that.
For all the Tam Brahms who read this on time, Happy New year. Depending on when you read this, you decide if the new year wishes apply or not. Today is Varsha Porappu tomorrow is Vishu. Like every other year, I shall adorn myself with new clothes and yes the the "poo" (the things i do to keep my grandmother from nagging... ughhh) Its not like I am averse to the idea of dressing like my culture and tradition requires me to, but I do it when I am comfortable.
Speaking of nagging, its a very common disease among most women i hear. I did that to a friend a few days ago. (Lol, yesss i was nagging, but from my perspective I was trying to talk sense into him) Anyway, so the point is that I hear women nag a lot. Mamma and paati ( tamil for grandmother) sure do.
I was sitting today evening and minding my own business, (i was busy watching desperate housewives) and my grandmother comes to me with fresh jasmine flowers strung together. "Poo chootikyo," she tells me meaning wear these flowers on your head. Now I accepted flowers only to keep her from nagging, but :) i wish I was that lucky. She was not just happy with me placing the flowers in a temporary arrangement on my hair, she wanted me to pin it to my braid. (I first had to braid my messy hair for that)
To keep her happy, I did what she asked me, but what i don't understand is whether that was really necessary. OK. so that episode ended there.
What happened after that was interesting. Mom comes home, she bought all the vishu merchandise and was all ready to set the mood. Now, newsflash, her darling daughter is out in the market and she is groom hunting. Soo, in what way is taht new? Well, I was busy spending my evening with Arun Shourie (I am reading Falling over Backwards rt now)
So my mother interrupts me in the middle of my fantastic reading experience and asks me to put kolam (tamil for Rangoli). After all, the house I get into will not treat me as an equal if cannot I draw beautiful designs with rice power. OK. I did not want to invite her wrath and I did as told. But my point is, why only now? Why cant 12 year old girls be asked to put kolam outside? Why is it that only when their jaadagam (tamil for horoscope) is out that such rules are enforced? Even if a 12 year old girl is asked to put kolam outside, nobody cares too much if she refuses to do it for whatever reason.
I am not complaining because it is of no consequence. I love my customs and traditions and I am more than happy to follow it. I dont know why our ancestors mandated these practices but what I do know is that they were happier and had lesser worries, as long as it does not harm me, I really dont mind following teh practices.
Following customes is one thing, but learning how to cook.... hmmmmm Between mamma and me, that is a very sensitive issue. Why is it that only now, I have to learn how to cook? Its not like I am all lost when it comes to the kitchen, I can make brilliant pasta, and can manage a simple sabzi, but why do I specifically have to learn to make a molaghootal? I know it will not come to me over night, but i learnt how to make pasta and caramel custard by reading from a book, why cant I do that with molaghootal?
The explanation is simple, good girls should know how to make molaghootal, NOT pasta. (Yuck!!) SO if this is true, my "interview" with one of the short listed candidates will be something like this....
Mr. ABC: hello ji
Me: sup?
ABC: You put kolam outside?
Me: did, so??
ABC: Very nice...
Me: Whatever....
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 to her)
ABC: Aapke hobbies kya kya hai?
Me: I am a bharatnatyam dancer and I love it, me not giving that up for the nething
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 again)
ME: (thinking.... you better gimmi a +10 dude, actually that needs a +50. I am a brilliant dancer, what talent do you have)
Me: So what do u do in your free time.
ABC: I am writing code to hack into NASA's central database. Not that I am going to do anything wrong with that information, I just want to do it to experience the thrill. And then I want to break the world record set for the fastest human calculator. ummm and then blah.. blah.. blah..
blah...(ME: thinking...-20 to you).... blah... blah...
ABC: Do you know to cook?
Me: Can cook only to save my life. Although I can manage pastas and I make fantastic caramel custard
ABC: (yells out) - 50 to you... Amma... lets go.... cant get married to someone who cant make molaghootal
ME: (rejoicing)
According to my mom, this could actually happen to me.
Tomorrow is Vishu. I saw no point in buying a sari for myself on this auspicious occasion. Although I believe that a sari is the most elegant dress ever, I am more comfortable in capris and a cotton top. Had I bought a sari, it would be tucked away in some corner of my cupboard never to be used again, unless someone I know is getting married.
I love shopping, yes a typical girly trait and yes I would like to think of myself as reasonably trendy. Its the April and the temperatures are soaring. So I went shopping last week and picked up a nice pair of capris and a very cute top. Now you know the rules, new year new clothes. So if I walk into a temple tomorrow wearing capris... lol... do I need to go any further.
What I wear is nobody's business and I don't care what the people think, i will continue to wear what I want as long as I am dressed descent.
Somehow teh mama mamis believe that the Iyer culture is dying out because the kids of this generation don't want to abide by the rules. To be honest, we do, and we are proud to be tam brahms ( so what if i haven't found too many good looking guys in this community). Most of us still believe that the saree is unmatched by any of the modern day outfits. Believe it or not, we love the keerai molaghootal and the rasam and the vazhakkai, but what we don't like is not getting our space. Our typical tamil nadu temple jewellery looks so rich that nothing matches its class.
When I say we here, I can confidently say I speak for most of my friends and acquaintances. In fact all of them I know are of this "type"
As for me, yes, I am trendy, I love rock and yes I wanna learn salsa, but that does not change my identity. I am tam brahm and I am proud of it. I donno why the older generation cant see that.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Why is it so difficult
Hmm... So well.. getting married might not be such a bad thing after all. I mean I know my parents. They love me to death and will not force me into something I dont want. So I have now decided to take a chill pill and just relax. I know things will work out to my advantage.
I recently saw a documentry called "The Secret." This documentry explained how we become what we think. It kind of reinforced my positive thinking plans. Continuing where my last post ended, yes thinking positive has really been of great help. In the past month I have tried thinking that things will happen for the best and that my God will not give me anything I cannot handle.
So I have already started to think that I am the Editor in Chief of the Economist. That way, I will become what I think. I have started to think that I can afford to walk into a Versace/ Shahab Durazi outlet (depending on my mood whether I plan to wear a western or Indian outfit) and buy whatever I want on an impulse and not feel guilty about it. I have started to believe that I will be able to gift my Dad a Raymond Weil watch and my mother a Cartier set by the time I am 30.
All this was easy. Somehow, when I tried to bring myself to think that I have ended up with the perfect guy, that was sooooooo difficult. I don’t know why. It was just sooo difficulyt almost impossible to think of myself with te perfect guy…. lolzzz
I recently saw a documentry called "The Secret." This documentry explained how we become what we think. It kind of reinforced my positive thinking plans. Continuing where my last post ended, yes thinking positive has really been of great help. In the past month I have tried thinking that things will happen for the best and that my God will not give me anything I cannot handle.
So I have already started to think that I am the Editor in Chief of the Economist. That way, I will become what I think. I have started to think that I can afford to walk into a Versace/ Shahab Durazi outlet (depending on my mood whether I plan to wear a western or Indian outfit) and buy whatever I want on an impulse and not feel guilty about it. I have started to believe that I will be able to gift my Dad a Raymond Weil watch and my mother a Cartier set by the time I am 30.
All this was easy. Somehow, when I tried to bring myself to think that I have ended up with the perfect guy, that was sooooooo difficult. I don’t know why. It was just sooo difficulyt almost impossible to think of myself with te perfect guy…. lolzzz
Monday, March 12, 2007
I was at a friend’s wedding a few days back. It was beautiful. The couple looked so in love. I was not formally introduced to the groom but from the vibes I got at the wedding, he seemed to be the type who would take really good care of my friend. They seemed perfect for each other.
I always cry at a wedding, especially if I am very close to the bride. The kanyadaan is the most emotional point at every wedding. It’s not like the woman will not have anything to do with her parents after she gets married. Society has matured enough to understand that she is not some kind of a tumour that is thrown away from the ailing body.
One thing however still remains unchanged. All the auntys at the wedding will continue to look at you and say, “Darling, you are next!” Wow, commitment phobics like me just wait to listen to such comments. I mean that is the reason we even go to a wedding. I do not deny looking out for eye candy but as far as marriage is concerned….. ummm… I felt like screaming!!!
The groom hunt continues. Daddy showed me a few more snaps and I have bluntly rejected each and every one of them without batting an eyelid. I have my wishlist and I want someone who will fit the bill perfectly.
A friend of mine had a nice way of looking at the whole marriage thing. Her exact words were, “Now you can go on legal dates.” Those of you reading this who are from non iyer families might just think I spoke rubbish but well yeah, my family dreads women going out on dates. Its horrific because it would malign the family name and they cannot let that happen.
One of the guys I saw had a great education and a great job to flaunt. Seemed to be doing very well for himself. But, well, his hairline seemed to want to reach Nirvana asap!!! I saw another interesting gentleman who had an MBA from one of the well known institutes in the country, had a good job, according to the astrologer had a very bright future. Now this is what my parents saw. What I saw however, was a rather portly gentleman with a lower lip that almost kissed his neck.
After all this, and after Honeymoon Travels (remember Sandhya Mridul wonders how a guy as perfect as Vikram Chatwal was actually browsing the net for a wife….lol!!!) I have come to a few conclusions. They are as follows:
1. Good guys are NEVER at wedding you go to
2. Good looking guys are younger than you “ALWAYS”
3. Good looking guys ALWAYS have girlfriends, ( other women will find him, but not you, no you are not that gifted)
4. When you look at the guys characteristics and think he is the right guy for you, he WILL look like he was the one species nature forgot to evolve.
5. Good looking cannot be your Mr.Right
6. If everything seems perfect. If he looks good, if he is well educated and if his family background is good and to add to that if he worships Pink Floyd, YOUR HOROSCOPE WILL NOT MATCH HIS
7. You will be single all you life….. :D ok mebbe that is exaggerating it too much
I always cry at a wedding, especially if I am very close to the bride. The kanyadaan is the most emotional point at every wedding. It’s not like the woman will not have anything to do with her parents after she gets married. Society has matured enough to understand that she is not some kind of a tumour that is thrown away from the ailing body.
One thing however still remains unchanged. All the auntys at the wedding will continue to look at you and say, “Darling, you are next!” Wow, commitment phobics like me just wait to listen to such comments. I mean that is the reason we even go to a wedding. I do not deny looking out for eye candy but as far as marriage is concerned….. ummm… I felt like screaming!!!
The groom hunt continues. Daddy showed me a few more snaps and I have bluntly rejected each and every one of them without batting an eyelid. I have my wishlist and I want someone who will fit the bill perfectly.
A friend of mine had a nice way of looking at the whole marriage thing. Her exact words were, “Now you can go on legal dates.” Those of you reading this who are from non iyer families might just think I spoke rubbish but well yeah, my family dreads women going out on dates. Its horrific because it would malign the family name and they cannot let that happen.
One of the guys I saw had a great education and a great job to flaunt. Seemed to be doing very well for himself. But, well, his hairline seemed to want to reach Nirvana asap!!! I saw another interesting gentleman who had an MBA from one of the well known institutes in the country, had a good job, according to the astrologer had a very bright future. Now this is what my parents saw. What I saw however, was a rather portly gentleman with a lower lip that almost kissed his neck.
After all this, and after Honeymoon Travels (remember Sandhya Mridul wonders how a guy as perfect as Vikram Chatwal was actually browsing the net for a wife….lol!!!) I have come to a few conclusions. They are as follows:
1. Good guys are NEVER at wedding you go to
2. Good looking guys are younger than you “ALWAYS”
3. Good looking guys ALWAYS have girlfriends, ( other women will find him, but not you, no you are not that gifted)
4. When you look at the guys characteristics and think he is the right guy for you, he WILL look like he was the one species nature forgot to evolve.
5. Good looking cannot be your Mr.Right
6. If everything seems perfect. If he looks good, if he is well educated and if his family background is good and to add to that if he worships Pink Floyd, YOUR HOROSCOPE WILL NOT MATCH HIS
7. You will be single all you life….. :D ok mebbe that is exaggerating it too much
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Ah!!! The mamis!!!.... When broadcasting goes haywire
No bloggable activity has happened in the last few days. They have been relatively "thanda" My parents seem chilled out. But you know what is really funny, suddenly when a girl turns of marriageable age, the uncles and aunties all around suddenly seem to look at you differently.
I remember once at a cousin's wedding, I was brave enough to venture into mami land wearing a saree. I could feel the vulture eyes prying at me. But sometimes I wonder, whether all this in our mind.
Mamis I think are the easiest breed. Peculiar, but very easy. You don't need a fantastic IQ to decode their moves. They have very specific characteristics. The arched back, that cotton saree (which mostly comes in two designs, white polka dots on a purple or blue background, or multicoloured checks) that has been oppressed beyond repair, the diamond earrings and that nose ring that sparkles on each of their wrinkled faces.
I do not mean to demean the ladies. After all, my grandmother falls into that category. But one cant help but wonder, why all of a sudden when a girl starts showing signs of maturity, we not only attract guys, but also the mamis.
Now, coming back to my cousin's wedding. Let's face it! As single women, we love dressing up for a wedding because we always hope to find our Salmaan Khan in a Hum Aapke Hain Koun type set up. While we, as women, are busy giving out the "i-am-sinlge" signals to the eligible young men present in the room, more often than not, the mami's in the room receive those signals.
You often wonder why that dimpled guy in the maroon shirt has not bothered looking back at you for all the ogling that you have indulged in. Why is it that he just doesn't seem to receive your signals. Well! your problem might be that the mami in the green vairushi podavai got teh signal instead. It never reached him. Its funny how the whole concept of broadcasting fails you at this point. Sometimes, the non-winners at in the room also seem to receive your signal, but not Dimples!!
Also, at such times, if your grandma has a wide network of friends, it could be dangerous to be by her side.
As I walk on this road to finding my Mr.Right, these are a few of those episodes that are amusing and can also teach you a lot. Experience has taught me that the only way of dealing with a mami is not getting worked up. This is probably their only source of entertainment!!
I remember once at a cousin's wedding, I was brave enough to venture into mami land wearing a saree. I could feel the vulture eyes prying at me. But sometimes I wonder, whether all this in our mind.
Mamis I think are the easiest breed. Peculiar, but very easy. You don't need a fantastic IQ to decode their moves. They have very specific characteristics. The arched back, that cotton saree (which mostly comes in two designs, white polka dots on a purple or blue background, or multicoloured checks) that has been oppressed beyond repair, the diamond earrings and that nose ring that sparkles on each of their wrinkled faces.
I do not mean to demean the ladies. After all, my grandmother falls into that category. But one cant help but wonder, why all of a sudden when a girl starts showing signs of maturity, we not only attract guys, but also the mamis.
Now, coming back to my cousin's wedding. Let's face it! As single women, we love dressing up for a wedding because we always hope to find our Salmaan Khan in a Hum Aapke Hain Koun type set up. While we, as women, are busy giving out the "i-am-sinlge" signals to the eligible young men present in the room, more often than not, the mami's in the room receive those signals.
You often wonder why that dimpled guy in the maroon shirt has not bothered looking back at you for all the ogling that you have indulged in. Why is it that he just doesn't seem to receive your signals. Well! your problem might be that the mami in the green vairushi podavai got teh signal instead. It never reached him. Its funny how the whole concept of broadcasting fails you at this point. Sometimes, the non-winners at in the room also seem to receive your signal, but not Dimples!!
Also, at such times, if your grandma has a wide network of friends, it could be dangerous to be by her side.
As I walk on this road to finding my Mr.Right, these are a few of those episodes that are amusing and can also teach you a lot. Experience has taught me that the only way of dealing with a mami is not getting worked up. This is probably their only source of entertainment!!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Wow!!! It feels great to get back to blogging. The sabbatical was self imposed given that I am now a writer and I felt I didn’t need a blog to vent out my innermost frustrations. However, I could not have been more wrong. I guess opinionated souls like me will still have a view of everything under the sun and when no one wants to hear, we set out on a mission to find bright receptive minds that wouldn’t mind an expert’s view on the happenings of the world.
I am a single Iyer girl living in the heart of a big Indian city. The typical urban girl you can say. I love music (rock, country and whatever category Usher falls into), love books, hate friends who are more successful that I am! Pretty composed I would say, nothing quite seems to get to me, not even annoying colleagues. I love my single life and I love spending time with myself and hanging out with friends.
Like a good girl to my parents, I studied well, got myself an engineering degree and yes, NEVER had a steady boyfriend, and actually have never even been on a date. A contributing factor here was, while I do consider myself to be reasonably good looking and smart, I have somehow always preferred being alone
After I finished college, I got myself a great job that is a perfect combination of what I know and what I love. This job however is a little different from the conventional and I did face opposition, but well, I just didn’t care what anyone else thought. My “well educated” parents were also a little sceptical at the beginning. But I guess I loved this job so much that I found the strength to beat the opposition.
I love being left alone especially in the evenings I look forward to a nice evening of hot chocolate and a good book. But my parents seem to think quite differently. They are convinced that I am absolutely incapable of living my life alone. My parents have decided that I have been single for too long and that I need to get hitched.
My parents are an interesting breed, who very strongly believe that what is right for them is right for me too and a sister who is still trying to figure out what she did wrong for God to have assigned the responsibility of showing the world the right path on her.
Daddy is the typical tam bhram mama who has an opinion on everything right from the share market to why the man by the roadside sprinkles water on the pan before he smears it with the dosa batter. Mom is the quintessential mami who loves her bhajan mandali and scoffs at young girls who hang out with guys and who can’t behave daintily.
My parents would like to think of themselves as modern and well educated and like any other mama-mami would they would repeatedly tell me, “talk to men, I have no problem, but remember you are from a decent family.” (Read don’t eve bother looking at him).
Now that I am grown up and old enough, my family feels it is just the right time to find me a suitable match. I have been single all my life, have never been out on a date, and now, seemingly, I have to wait for daddy to walk into my room and tell me, “Oh! Btw… this is your Mr.Right” I am not complaining, but all this just seems a little bit too overwhelming.
My evenings are now spent looking at guys who have nothing but their educational qualification to their credit and according to my family that is the sine qua non to a happy marriage. I don’t know if all women go through this but I would like to find out. I don’t know if all women feel as suffocated as I do. Or maybe suffocated is not the right word here. Its like a mix of anxiety and well yeah suffocation.
I do feel lonely at times when I see my friends getting hitched but that is jut a temporary feeling. When I look beyond just a relationship at the wonderful life that I have now, I wonder whether there is any need for me to fit someone else into my life. I don’t know if there is enough space in my life for another human being.