Oh come all ye married duple (or is it spelt DUPEle)

I was a fool to have thought that it was difficult trying to find Mr. Right and get married. As it turns out, life doesn't get any easier even after you are married. Yes, I finally did get married and am living in that state of denial or the infamous honeymoon period as people would call it.

Not that I regret being married. As it turns out, I actually love the guy. I mean the real love where you want to stand by him no matter what. That kind of love. Revisiting what I said about living in denail, I think I am in that phase now because I seem to think he is perfect in every way.

Now nature does wake you up from your dream every now and then. Have you ever wondered what is it that is going on in his mind when he just sits looking so morose and quiet! As a woman and a drama queen, all hell breaks loose for me when he is in one of those moods. It's like I am being punished for a deadly sin when he says, Nothing!

He insists that I should give him the benefit of a doubt. Well ok..... Let's for once assume I do give him the benifit of a doubt! My only condition is this. I would like the rule to apply both ways. I would like to be left alone with my thoughts too. Somehow when I am in a state of deep contemplation, he starts getting worried because from me, no news, is bad news.

Guys!! Take a break. We spend a considerable amount of time thniking about you. Give us some time to think about.. well.. other things.. like may be that cute friend of yours or what to wear the next time we go out with you, or how we can work a lil more and progress faster in our careers without compromising on time with you or..... oh wait.. see that.. and we are still thinking about you!

Well, it's not all bad. I mean, sitting quiet is not as bad as... well a lot of other thing. I think we can so a complaint a post and just leave this one here.

Happy married life to all ye married duples!!!

This is it!

I knew he wanted to catch a glimpse of me and I tried staying in his line of sight. But like every other gushing bride-to-be, I was shy of making that eye contact, and having my face turn pink each time our eyes met. He does that to me. Like they say in the movies, sets my pulse racing and gets me feeling all tingly inside. Despite that crowd yesterday, I could see only him. It's like nobody and nothing else mattered. 

I got engaged yesterday to the man God chose for me and I couldn't be happier. Whenever I am with him, time just seems to pass so quickly. Every time he touches me, I can feel the blood run so fast through my veins. Everytime we kiss and I feel his lips with mine, I forgt anything else ever exists. When I hold him close to me, I wish I could just hold that moment and neverlet it pass away. I read his emails and text messages over and over again and that makes me feel so much better no matter how low I feel. Just hearing his voice every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed makes me feel secure.

 

His likes and dislikes have somehow become my own. The inside of me howls in pain when he is sad. I wish I could just go hug him and pray to God to put me through that pain instead of him. I would fight even the great cosmic powers if they triedto hurt him in anyway. All pain, sorrow an suffering better deal with me before they make their way to him.

 

I dont know what this feeling is, but this is what makes me want to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Pray or Prey

As a child, my friends and I would race to reach school first, the gate first, finish homework first several other such petty races that used to give us so much pleasure. There was a race of a similar nature in the kovil that I visited not so long ago. The mamis were playing......"Who finds her right match first"

Yes the hunt is still on. I am single, successful (oh yes... I am no longer a jouno... i moved into consulting and risk consulting nonetheless... and as a friend put it... I succumbed to the moolah). I have a great social life, have great friends, love reading, love 'smoke on the water' and yeah... love my freedom. I have just listed out all the things the mamis should supposedly hate in me. Like said... supposedly!

It seems like the only thing missing in their lives is my committed status. They all want to see me married, living life by someone else's terms, getting so busy with family life that I have no time for MY FRIENDS, MY BOOKS AND MY MUSIC. I have realized that company is not such a bad thing but the openness ends there. I am not sure what I want to do post realization.

It is almost certain that a young woman completing her education (not applicable in all cases... just her being a fully developed woman is sufficient) must be in want of a husband. Society has really not changed much since the 1800s. Mrs.Bennets, the Mr.Darcys and yes, the Elizabeath Bennets of the world well continue to exist no matter what.

Ok coming back to the aunties in the kovil. You know the feeling of walking into class hour after the lecture begins. Everybody in class stares at you like you are some sort of teaching aid...(no mebbe naked Beyonce is more like it) ... Neway... you get the picture... When I walked in.... the aunties suddenly lost interest in the deity and they shifted their complete focus on me. Trust me.... Shankaracharya in a gathering of 50,000 sweaty aunties would have been more starved for attention.

One mami who, I can bet my next's month salary, did not even know my name, walks up to my mother and gives her precious priceless blessings that I will get married by next Navratri. She says, "Ennodu ashirvadam irruku, adutha navratri kulla nischiyama kalaynam ayidum." The demeanor: benevolent, the tone: empathetic, the crap: well crap of course.

When I heard this mami, I wanted to scream sooo loud but I had to behave myself as I was in the temple. To add to all my troubles, she asked me to distribute vetalai paaku (haldi kumkum) to all the ladies in the temple. (Yeah... if you dint see Beyonce's naked dance because of all that crowd, dont worry we'll ask her to do it all over again more provocatively from the rooftop.. you wont miss it then)

I did as I was told because... actually I dont know why i did it... I hated every moment of it.

It's not that I am not looking for company. But he has to be someone who I can feel comfortable talking to and yes... he should have a personality that I find pleasing. I dont know if the mamis understand that society has reached a point where women also put down rules that they would like followed. We have a voice and an opinion of our own and I have to praise the Lord for social developments that let us be financially independent. Till the older ladies understand this... thy can go take a hike.

Jaadagam Therapist

My mother is frustrated with the way things are going. She has seen over 200 profiles and her darling daughter hasn't said a yes to any of them. Somehow my mother seems to think that she is the victim here but I beg to differ. I have been looking and declining profiles of men all this while and that is not exactly my idea of a hobby. At least if I were into HR, I would have been honing skills that I need at work.

I fail to understand why God has so perfectly crafted the jaadagams of the eligible guys to not match mine. In fact, my dad's astrologer has stopped rejecting guys on the basis of their horoscope. he asks my dad a few basic questions first like what is the guy doing, his education, his passions, what he likes and what he does not like. Then he asks for the photograph. If everything matches my preferences, he just doesn't bother matching the horoscope. I declines it right there.

I thought I was just being to cynical when I thought God was playing games with me. I mean, I am smart, I look good, I have a job that I love, I know my passion, I am very strong emotionally, I have a strong support in my family and friends, I have to be God's special person. And besides, I am a student of Vedanta, so there really is hardly any reason for Gods to be pissed off.

But, just yesterday,I got a dose of reality. My horoscope actually matched with the perfect guy. Good looking and smart and talented and well educated. Needless to say, I couldnt believe it. I was excited that things were looking up. But, just then my dad decided to cross check the horoscope before he could get in touch with his family. Guess what, teh planetery positions in the 'correct' version of teh horoscope were different from what my father had downloaded. This new version is exactly what is the most inappropriate match for me.

It's so surprising how the horoscopes that match mine have owners who don't have anything in common with me. Those guys are exactly what I do not want in my partner. Someone who is completely devoid of talent and yes, someone who looks the exact opposite of Dylan McDermott.

I don't understand why my horoscope has such a low self esteem. It's like she just feels she's not worth the good looking and talented guys. If my horoscope was approached by some hot guy, I think she would pee right there. If my horoscope went to a single's bar, she would head straight toward the rejected group. I think my horoscope feels comfortable, only when she is in the company of the mami's who talk about how their son's can take on Einstein without a minute of preparation, and what's worse is she falls only for that variety.

I just don't get it. You look at her she has a bright future written all over her, she has talent written so clearly on her, and somehow, she never seems to acknowledge that. If there are any good jaadagam therapists out there, I need one desperately!

A family friend is getting married. Social obligations require me to join in the celebrations and so today I went for her mehendi. This time a mami was innovative and she came up with a new joke. She looks at me and goes, "Ab next tu laddu khilaegi hume?" At least she dint say "U're next"

Why does everyone want to see me in a bridal ensemble? Why cant they just leave me alone? As far as my dad's efforts are concerned, I feel bad for teh man coz my horoscope hasnt matched with the guys I have liked. It is my dad's duty to give his daughter's hand in marriage. Why should the whole community be so concerned.

Everyone seems so concerned about me getting married that they feel obligated to hunt down guys from every corner of the globe. The innovative aunty tells my mother that her son-in-law's cousin's aunt's son is single and ready to mingle. I am sure she was only trying to help. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what is so bad about this whole process but it is taking a toll on me and I want this ordeal to end once and for all.

It just gets to me when these aunty's feel they have found me the perfect match. Dont they have anything better to do? You know what may be not. Probably that's why they found poor me and my friends to target. I mean how much time can you actually kill reading Narayaneeym and the Bhagwad Gita? How many saptaham's can you listen to? Poor babes. Their problem is probably lack of creativity.

Well!! They need not worry any more. I am here to their rescue. Read on!! I am spending valuable time listing out 10 things they can do to divert their minds from the the nubile women and the well qualified bachelors.

1. Add some spice to the existing tasks. Get the gentlemen who read the slokams at a routine saptaham to jazz it or better still rap it. They could spice it up by choosing a theme for each one of the seven days. Like monday could be say Eminem day, tuesday could be P Diddy day and so on....
2. Get a makeover. After all oil is the scarcest natural resource
3. Go to the temple and spend time praying, praying with devotion and not materialism.
4. Get a new hobby. Salsa classes are springing up like nobody's business.
5Stop worrying about me and start meditating.
6. Read. Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert.... the options are endless
7. Learn how to use the computer and yes, also learn how to speak softly on Gtalk.
8. Watch Honeymoon Travels (Refer to post number 3 i think)
9. Stay indoors. (The poor mamas are so neglected)
10.Stop worrying about me and start meditating.

I recommend this post to all mamis. I pray that I can witness an awakening of some kind.

How to get rejected....

I have been receiving rave reviews about my blog. I am glad all my friends are liking it. The whole idea of starting this was to help Iyer women (or just single Indian women) all around the world, in a situation similar to mine, and let them know that they are not alone. (All around the world, yeah right...........well, I dream of becoming Editor in Chief of the Economist, I must be crazy and highly ambitious, what did you expect??). So, coming back, I am glad my friends have liked it.

For all the Tam Brahms who read this on time, Happy New year. Depending on when you read this, you decide if the new year wishes apply or not. Today is Varsha Porappu tomorrow is Vishu. Like every other year, I shall adorn myself with new clothes and yes the the "poo" (the things i do to keep my grandmother from nagging... ughhh) Its not like I am averse to the idea of dressing like my culture and tradition requires me to, but I do it when I am comfortable.

Speaking of nagging, its a very common disease among most women i hear. I did that to a friend a few days ago. (Lol, yesss i was nagging, but from my perspective I was trying to talk sense into him) Anyway, so the point is that I hear women nag a lot. Mamma and paati ( tamil for grandmother) sure do.

I was sitting today evening and minding my own business, (i was busy watching desperate housewives) and my grandmother comes to me with fresh jasmine flowers strung together. "Poo chootikyo," she tells me meaning wear these flowers on your head. Now I accepted flowers only to keep her from nagging, but :) i wish I was that lucky. She was not just happy with me placing the flowers in a temporary arrangement on my hair, she wanted me to pin it to my braid. (I first had to braid my messy hair for that)

To keep her happy, I did what she asked me, but what i don't understand is whether that was really necessary. OK. so that episode ended there.

What happened after that was interesting. Mom comes home, she bought all the vishu merchandise and was all ready to set the mood. Now, newsflash, her darling daughter is out in the market and she is groom hunting. Soo, in what way is taht new? Well, I was busy spending my evening with Arun Shourie (I am reading Falling over Backwards rt now)

So my mother interrupts me in the middle of my fantastic reading experience and asks me to put kolam (tamil for Rangoli). After all, the house I get into will not treat me as an equal if cannot I draw beautiful designs with rice power. OK. I did not want to invite her wrath and I did as told. But my point is, why only now? Why cant 12 year old girls be asked to put kolam outside? Why is it that only when their jaadagam (tamil for horoscope) is out that such rules are enforced? Even if a 12 year old girl is asked to put kolam outside, nobody cares too much if she refuses to do it for whatever reason.

I am not complaining because it is of no consequence. I love my customs and traditions and I am more than happy to follow it. I dont know why our ancestors mandated these practices but what I do know is that they were happier and had lesser worries, as long as it does not harm me, I really dont mind following teh practices.

Following customes is one thing, but learning how to cook.... hmmmmm Between mamma and me, that is a very sensitive issue. Why is it that only now, I have to learn how to cook? Its not like I am all lost when it comes to the kitchen, I can make brilliant pasta, and can manage a simple sabzi, but why do I specifically have to learn to make a molaghootal? I know it will not come to me over night, but i learnt how to make pasta and caramel custard by reading from a book, why cant I do that with molaghootal?

The explanation is simple, good girls should know how to make molaghootal, NOT pasta. (Yuck!!) SO if this is true, my "interview" with one of the short listed candidates will be something like this....

Mr. ABC: hello ji
Me: sup?
ABC: You put kolam outside?
Me: did, so??
ABC: Very nice...
Me: Whatever....
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 to her)
ABC: Aapke hobbies kya kya hai?
Me: I am a bharatnatyam dancer and I love it, me not giving that up for the nething
ABC: (thinking.... ok +10 again)
ME: (thinking.... you better gimmi a +10 dude, actually that needs a +50. I am a brilliant dancer, what talent do you have)
Me: So what do u do in your free time.
ABC: I am writing code to hack into NASA's central database. Not that I am going to do anything wrong with that information, I just want to do it to experience the thrill. And then I want to break the world record set for the fastest human calculator. ummm and then blah.. blah.. blah..
blah...(ME: thinking...-20 to you).... blah... blah...
ABC: Do you know to cook?
Me: Can cook only to save my life. Although I can manage pastas and I make fantastic caramel custard
ABC: (yells out) - 50 to you... Amma... lets go.... cant get married to someone who cant make molaghootal
ME: (rejoicing)

According to my mom, this could actually happen to me.

Tomorrow is Vishu. I saw no point in buying a sari for myself on this auspicious occasion. Although I believe that a sari is the most elegant dress ever, I am more comfortable in capris and a cotton top. Had I bought a sari, it would be tucked away in some corner of my cupboard never to be used again, unless someone I know is getting married.

I love shopping, yes a typical girly trait and yes I would like to think of myself as reasonably trendy. Its the April and the temperatures are soaring. So I went shopping last week and picked up a nice pair of capris and a very cute top. Now you know the rules, new year new clothes. So if I walk into a temple tomorrow wearing capris... lol... do I need to go any further.

What I wear is nobody's business and I don't care what the people think, i will continue to wear what I want as long as I am dressed descent.

Somehow teh mama mamis believe that the Iyer culture is dying out because the kids of this generation don't want to abide by the rules. To be honest, we do, and we are proud to be tam brahms ( so what if i haven't found too many good looking guys in this community). Most of us still believe that the saree is unmatched by any of the modern day outfits. Believe it or not, we love the keerai molaghootal and the rasam and the vazhakkai, but what we don't like is not getting our space. Our typical tamil nadu temple jewellery looks so rich that nothing matches its class.

When I say we here, I can confidently say I speak for most of my friends and acquaintances. In fact all of them I know are of this "type"

As for me, yes, I am trendy, I love rock and yes I wanna learn salsa, but that does not change my identity. I am tam brahm and I am proud of it. I donno why the older generation cant see that.

Why is it so difficult

Hmm... So well.. getting married might not be such a bad thing after all. I mean I know my parents. They love me to death and will not force me into something I dont want. So I have now decided to take a chill pill and just relax. I know things will work out to my advantage.

I recently saw a documentry called "The Secret." This documentry explained how we become what we think. It kind of reinforced my positive thinking plans. Continuing where my last post ended, yes thinking positive has really been of great help. In the past month I have tried thinking that things will happen for the best and that my God will not give me anything I cannot handle.

So I have already started to think that I am the Editor in Chief of the Economist. That way, I will become what I think. I have started to think that I can afford to walk into a Versace/ Shahab Durazi outlet (depending on my mood whether I plan to wear a western or Indian outfit) and buy whatever I want on an impulse and not feel guilty about it. I have started to believe that I will be able to gift my Dad a Raymond Weil watch and my mother a Cartier set by the time I am 30.

All this was easy. Somehow, when I tried to bring myself to think that I have ended up with the perfect guy, that was sooooooo difficult. I don’t know why. It was just sooo difficulyt almost impossible to think of myself with te perfect guy…. lolzzz